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modern hymnal

April 21, 2010

This post may remind you of email forwards gone by, but it remains one of my favorite bits of modern mockery.

Hymns of the Lukewarm Church
The Lukewarm Church (God’s Frozen People) announces publication of Church Songs, whose title, according to the editor, was chosen because “We didn’t want to turn anybody off with threatening words that no one understands anymore like ‘worship’ or ‘hymn.’ People in today’s society get kind of uncomfortable with too much talk about things like commitment and dedication. They’d much rather have a religion that they can turn on or off at will. Our book seeks to meet that need.”

Sample contents:

  • A Comfy Mattress Is Our God
  • Joyful, Joyful, We Kinda Like Thee
  • Above Average is Thy Faithfulness
  • All Hail the Influence of Jesus’ Name
  • Amazing Grace, How Interesting the Sound
  • Be Thou My Hobby
  • He’s Quite a Bit to Me
  • Oh, How I Like Jesus
  • I Lay My Inappropriate Behaviors on Jesus
  • Pillow of Ages, Fluffed for Me
  • I Surrender Some
  • Praise God from Whom All Affirmations Flow
  • Self-Esteem to the World! The Lord is Come
  • Sit Up, Sit Up for Jesus
  • Special, Special, Special
  • Take My Life and Let Me Be

There are more, and I would add:

  • He Needeth Me, O Blessed Thought

Related Posts
The Leopard’s Spots
Class Hymn

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. April 21, 2010 8:54 pm

    Too true! Some of them are just sad, but others are convicting.

  2. michellehankins permalink
    April 23, 2010 9:20 am

    Hahahah! That was great – thanks for sharing the laughter!

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